The Real Reason Critics Love “American Made”

So! Wanna hear our theory on why American Made is killing it in theaters, while all the critics are acting like Tom hasn’t made a good movie in years?

Of course you do.


Wait for it…

Waaaaaaaait for it…


That’s it. Plain and simple, fucking swearing. Tom had been playing in PG13 movies for several years, and critics (and even a lot of the general public) apparently don’t like it at all! We’ve heard a lot of different complaints about Tom’s movies, and none of them make a damn bit of sense.

Example #1: Someone actually wrote the words, “Tom doesn’t take himself too seriously [in American Made], which is refreshing after The Mummy.” Really? Because he took himself SOOOO SERIOUSLY in The Mummy!! Mr. “It was way more than fifteen seconds”? Mr. Drives away from the leading lady in a panic? Mr. Hiding in the girl’s bathroom to argue with his dead buddy? That was taking himself seriously??? What??

Example #2: Critics complained that Oblivion was a “vanity project”, because there were SOOOOO MANY close ups of Tom’s face. Of course, my argument was, there are four fucking characters in the movie, so why complain because one of them like… shows up in the movie. OH NOOOOOO! TOM CRUISE’s FACE IS IN A TOM CRUISE MOVIE!!! WHAT A TRAVESTY!!! OH THE HUMANITYYYY!

Fast forward to American Made, aka, the I-wanna-lick-the-screen event of the Fall. There are enough close ups in that fucking movie to last a lifetime. His face is so close at one point that you can LITERALLY see his pores. You can smell the fucking aftershave!! NOBODY is calling this a vanity project. His face is bigger in all the billboards than they ever were in the Oblivion billboards, too. But this is his best work in years.

So… no. It’s not that Tom suddenly remembered how to act when he found this role. He’s been performing splendidly the whole time, whether the movies have been commercial successes or not. He’s dedicated, determined and professional, and he’s just FUCKING good at what he does. That has never changed. Whether the movies soared or flopped, Tom’s performances have always been strong.

That’s not what sets American Made apart from Tom’s recent offerings. It’s the fact that we get to hear him say “fuck” and “motherfuckers”, and “GoT damn!”

Think we’re wrong? Crazy? Think that’s totally ridiculous? Well, consider this. Think about the last time the general public decided Tom Cruise actually was great, and they “remembered” how great he was in comedic roles.

Do you remember? Well, if not, why don’t you take a big step back and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE???

Yeah, that’s right. Last time critics ADORED Tom Cruise wholesale (outside a “Mission” movie) was that time he spent the whole time on screen cussing people out. Critics want Tom to say “fuck”! It’s as simple as that.

Now, don’t get us wrong! We’re no prudes when it comes to swearing. We’re fucking sailors, okay? And we get a kick of of Tom swearing in particular. He does it so well! There’s something about the way he says “shit”, and enunciates every single letter in that word, it’s a thing of beauty.

And Barry Seal’s accent lends just the right touch of wonderful-ness to the word “motherfucker”. “Alright murrrfughers! Let’s land!” But it’s high time critics acknowledged the greatness of his performances even in movies where he keeps it “clean”.

2 thoughts on “The Real Reason Critics Love “American Made””

  1. Nice post, I’m glad the critics loved American Made because Tom knows how to deliver a great performance. By the way, Tom cursed in PG-13 movies like Oblivion when he said “Fuck you, Sally.” and “Tell me you, fuck!” in Minority Report, he used the middle finger in Top Gun and Rock of Ages both of them are PG-13 as well. I don’t mind seeing close-ups of Tom’s face with his flushed cheeks and green eyes because he’s so hot and cute!

    1. Thanks, and thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂 It’s true, Tom does swear in those movies, but it’s more like he does it once or twice, when the character is REALLY upset. In “American Made”, it’s more like it’s part of the character’s regular way of speaking, and he does it a lot more often than characters in PG13 movies.

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